As promised, here is the second part of my balancing act. I really feel like I am teetering on the line when it comes to parenting. I love A Bird to pieces but, man does she know how to push my buttons and sometimes I know she does it just to see my reaction.
I know I’m not an awful parent, A Bird is safe, and extremely loved. I have never even spanked her, not once. But it just seems to me that I am always yelling at her or getting frustrated with the things she does. It’s mostly stuff like this:
A Bird: Dad, can I have some super cheesy goldfish?
Me: Yeah sure. I get up from what I am doing go out the kitchen. Grab a bowl and get some goldfish.
AB: Thanks Dad.
Me: You’re welcome. I sit back down to finish what I am doing, then just as I begin to sit…
AB: Dad, can I have some apple juice?
Me: (sigh) Yes you can have some juice. I get up again to get apple juice. I hand it to her and sit back down. This time she gives me two minutes…
AB: Dad, these goldfish are stale, can I have a pudding, whales, popscicle, etc. This is the way it goes for about 3 or 4 things until I lose my cool.
Me: No you can’t have anything more until you finish what you have.
This is the part where A Bird starts screaming, telling me she doesn’t like any of it, its stale or it tastes funny and then screams at me with this look in her eyes like she is trying to set me ablaze. Then she runs into her room and slams the door.
Now I’m furious and I follow her into the bedroom and try to talk to her normally but my voice is rising and I end up yelling at her and telling her to sit on the bed until I tell her she can move.
Now I know that some of it is just her testing her 4 year old limits, but other times I wonder if I am just expecting too much from her and am being too uptight. There are lots of other things, like she’ll get done with a popscicle and leave the stick on the table instead of throwing it away, or she is yelling at Linus for walking next to, yes that’s right next to, not on, her blanket where she is playing. Then she is chasing him or the cats with one of her dolls in her baby stroller. The whole time I am asking her to stop or yelling at her to knock it off. The other night, she flat out told me, “Mommy is better, because she isn’t mean to me”. I know it is just because I am disciplining her, but that still sucks to hear. It just feels like I am always yelling at her for everything and I hate myself for it. I want to go back to being “Fun Dad” when she was two and three and doing crafts and her listening to what I said. I want to be “fun Dad” but I don’t want to be a pushover either. I know she needs discipline and direction and I am trying to give it to her but I feel like I am falling over into the territory where I am yelling about every little thing. Most of the time whatever she is doing isn’t a big deal, but I make a big deal out of it by yelling. I just want to pick my battles and realize that she is just a kid and little kids don’t necessarily think things through.
I don’t know, I just feel like I’m losing my balance and turning into a parent that I don’t want to be. I am working on my patience and not sweating the small stuff so much, so I can get back to a balanced position on my high wire of life, but man, is it tough.
Any of you made it across the high wire of parenting? Can you actually balance all the way across?
I know I’m not an awful parent, A Bird is safe, and extremely loved. I have never even spanked her, not once. But it just seems to me that I am always yelling at her or getting frustrated with the things she does. It’s mostly stuff like this:
A Bird: Dad, can I have some super cheesy goldfish?
Me: Yeah sure. I get up from what I am doing go out the kitchen. Grab a bowl and get some goldfish.
AB: Thanks Dad.
Me: You’re welcome. I sit back down to finish what I am doing, then just as I begin to sit…
AB: Dad, can I have some apple juice?
Me: (sigh) Yes you can have some juice. I get up again to get apple juice. I hand it to her and sit back down. This time she gives me two minutes…
AB: Dad, these goldfish are stale, can I have a pudding, whales, popscicle, etc. This is the way it goes for about 3 or 4 things until I lose my cool.
Me: No you can’t have anything more until you finish what you have.
This is the part where A Bird starts screaming, telling me she doesn’t like any of it, its stale or it tastes funny and then screams at me with this look in her eyes like she is trying to set me ablaze. Then she runs into her room and slams the door.
Now I’m furious and I follow her into the bedroom and try to talk to her normally but my voice is rising and I end up yelling at her and telling her to sit on the bed until I tell her she can move.
Now I know that some of it is just her testing her 4 year old limits, but other times I wonder if I am just expecting too much from her and am being too uptight. There are lots of other things, like she’ll get done with a popscicle and leave the stick on the table instead of throwing it away, or she is yelling at Linus for walking next to, yes that’s right next to, not on, her blanket where she is playing. Then she is chasing him or the cats with one of her dolls in her baby stroller. The whole time I am asking her to stop or yelling at her to knock it off. The other night, she flat out told me, “Mommy is better, because she isn’t mean to me”. I know it is just because I am disciplining her, but that still sucks to hear. It just feels like I am always yelling at her for everything and I hate myself for it. I want to go back to being “Fun Dad” when she was two and three and doing crafts and her listening to what I said. I want to be “fun Dad” but I don’t want to be a pushover either. I know she needs discipline and direction and I am trying to give it to her but I feel like I am falling over into the territory where I am yelling about every little thing. Most of the time whatever she is doing isn’t a big deal, but I make a big deal out of it by yelling. I just want to pick my battles and realize that she is just a kid and little kids don’t necessarily think things through.
I don’t know, I just feel like I’m losing my balance and turning into a parent that I don’t want to be. I am working on my patience and not sweating the small stuff so much, so I can get back to a balanced position on my high wire of life, but man, is it tough.
Any of you made it across the high wire of parenting? Can you actually balance all the way across?
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