I don’t know what the hell happened but I am pretty sure that I am becoming a stylist to the stars, well at least to the barbie stars. I went from this hard drinking, hard fighting, old school man’s man in my twenties to dressing and undressing dolls in my thirties.
I hate to admit it but I can change Barbie’s outfit faster than most eight year old girls. It seems like it happens all over the house, I will be sound asleep on a Saturday morning when A Bird comes bounding into the bedroom and up onto the bed with a fistful of barbie dolls and odd mismatched clothes. She immediately grabs the remote, flips on Spongebob and shouts directions to me like a practiced diva designer. I don’t even have my eyes open and I am stripping boots and picking out accessories that are ungodly tiny in my giant meat hooks. Once they are dressed to A Bird’s liking she whisks them off to a glorious vacation in the Barbie RV.
Fine, I get it. It’s part of being a father to daughters but there is something I can’t understand when it comes to Barbies and it centers around bath time. Bath time is prime time in the Barbie fashion world. Everyone has to be undressed to take their turn in the tub and there are specific instructions. So tonight A Bird is playing with her new dolls when its time for the bath, she instructs me to take off their clothes and lay them out neatly so they won’t get wet.
Yep, her new dolls apparently are roller derby girls from their helmets to their kicking tiny skates.
A Bird now proceeds to play with them through her whole bath until its time to get out and here is where my questions comes in. If I have to spend all this time carefully undressing them and laying out their clothes neatly so they can put them back on, why do they always end up like THIS?
Yep, they are all still buck naked, jammed into that weird little handle that is supposed to help you up from the tub but you know if you grab it, it will snap and send you crashing back on your ass. That’s where they will reside until A Bird’s next bath, just sitting there staring at anyone who enters the bathroom and dares to look behind the shower curtain with their creepy little eyes. What makes it creepier is if you look closely the pink doll is going all Venus De Milo and missing her arms from the elbow. A Bird told me it was OK, because her arms are on the rail next to her.
Now every morning I shower with five women, and taken out of context if I told that story I would be a LEGEND. But when you are exhausted and trying to wake up and you get goosed by a sharp little probing plastic hand it goes from cute to severely annoying.
So is this just an A Bird thing or do all little girls leave their barbies naked in the bath tub?
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