It has been a while since I have sat down to write a post here. I have had a ton of stuff rolling around in my head that would make great blog fodder but for one reason or another it never made it out of my head. Things have been stressful lately, with trying to sell our house, wondering if A Bird would be accepted for another year of tuition and just the general lack of sleep that comes with having young children. This is just life, I guess and like the ups and downs of life and relationships L Bird and I found ourselves in a “down” moment where we each felt neglected and under-appreciated. It’s tough not to feel that way when our lives are consumed by our children’s needs and work, it doesn’t leave much time for each other. Luckily for us we “talked” about it, well talked is a general statement. It really means that L Bird talked to me and told me how she felt while I sat there silent and brooding unable to say anything because I can’t get the words out without being angry. I tend to take everything very personally and even if it isn’t meant to be I feel like it is an attack on me and my character. I know, stupid right? Eventually after enough brooding and rolling things back and forth in my thick head I see what L Bird is saying and I vow to myself to be better whether it’s being more talkative, more affectionate or just picking up more of the slack around the house. We are slowly pulling ourselves back to an “Up” portion of our relationship and things are getting back to where they should be.
But as I sit here and think about L Bird I realize how much I need her everyday and in every way. She makes me a better person. I know I am no peach to live with, but she softens and rounds off all of my sharp edges. I am not a nice person, I try to be but I know that deep down I’m not. I’m moody, I’m stubborn, I’m sarcastic and I rarely speak about anything let alone feelings. I can be arrogant and a loud mouth. I drink too much, too often. I tend to be apathetic about a lot of things, even at work people try to say things just to get a reaction out of me and I’ll stare at them blankly and say “It’s just water off a duck’s back”. I am suspicious of everything. I’m suspicious of what people say and what people do, I am always looking for the reason behind it. In 90% of cases I am normally right, there is always an angle behind it and I see it and put the wall up before they can get what they want from me. Yup, I am one big ball of happy sunshine feelings!
But I would be a lot worse if I didn’t have L Bird, I would be those things all the time. L Bird makes me realize that sometimes people just do or say things just to be in the moment and be genuinely nice. She is a mouthy, saucy, sarcastic wench most of the time but when she says something genuinely means it and I love that about her. I love that she is saucy and mouthy and I love that she is honest, sometimes brutally honest. She routinely challenges me and makes me realize that I am being stubborn or stupid. She draws me out little by little and pushes me to the light. She looks at all the things I dislike about myself and tells me that’s what she loves about me. She holds my hands that grip too tight and laughs at me when my lips twitch when I’m concentrating or thinking. She gets me to laugh at myself and be genuinely happy even if I have trouble showing it. She loves me for me and God knows I love her.
So thank you, my softener of edges (I know that’s corny, right?)! Thank you for being you and making me a better me.
But as I sit here and think about L Bird I realize how much I need her everyday and in every way. She makes me a better person. I know I am no peach to live with, but she softens and rounds off all of my sharp edges. I am not a nice person, I try to be but I know that deep down I’m not. I’m moody, I’m stubborn, I’m sarcastic and I rarely speak about anything let alone feelings. I can be arrogant and a loud mouth. I drink too much, too often. I tend to be apathetic about a lot of things, even at work people try to say things just to get a reaction out of me and I’ll stare at them blankly and say “It’s just water off a duck’s back”. I am suspicious of everything. I’m suspicious of what people say and what people do, I am always looking for the reason behind it. In 90% of cases I am normally right, there is always an angle behind it and I see it and put the wall up before they can get what they want from me. Yup, I am one big ball of happy sunshine feelings!
But I would be a lot worse if I didn’t have L Bird, I would be those things all the time. L Bird makes me realize that sometimes people just do or say things just to be in the moment and be genuinely nice. She is a mouthy, saucy, sarcastic wench most of the time but when she says something genuinely means it and I love that about her. I love that she is saucy and mouthy and I love that she is honest, sometimes brutally honest. She routinely challenges me and makes me realize that I am being stubborn or stupid. She draws me out little by little and pushes me to the light. She looks at all the things I dislike about myself and tells me that’s what she loves about me. She holds my hands that grip too tight and laughs at me when my lips twitch when I’m concentrating or thinking. She gets me to laugh at myself and be genuinely happy even if I have trouble showing it. She loves me for me and God knows I love her.
So thank you, my softener of edges (I know that’s corny, right?)! Thank you for being you and making me a better me.
