Sunday, March 27, 2011

Unguarded…

Hell, I don’t even know where to start and more than likely I’ll regret this post because I’ll worry too much about what people think about me. I am sitting here reading Edenland, while watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and drinking a couple of beers.  As I sit here and ponder my life, I realize that I truly envy L Bird.

L Bird has no filter, never has.  Whatever is on her mind just seems to spout from her mouth like water from a spring. Yeah, sometimes it’s a real pain in the ass for her and for me, but she doesn’t hold anything back. I envy that. I am completely the opposite and most of the time I am completely cool with that, but there are other times when I wish I could just spit out what I am thinking or what I am feeling. Sometimes I feel like I couldn’t say shit if I had a mouth full of it. I think a lot of it is based on fear. I’m not a nice person, I mean I’m a lot nicer than I used to be, but I fear what people would think if I told them what I thought. So I lock myself away in my head, hell maybe it’s better that way. Then I don’t have to see the awkward glances of fear or disbelief or worse yet disgust.

But I have gathered some courage from a random blog post from the blogger I said above, I know, how weird and sad is that. But whatever, don’t judge me monkey, people find inspiration in the oddest of  places. A “couple” of beers also doesn’t hurt. But anyway, here we go.

My mother and L Bird think I drink too much and sometime I agree with them. My Grandfather was an alcoholic, so it does run in the family. I fight that devil more times than I like to admit and secretly I wonder if I really am cursed or if I am sabotaging my own fertility. I try to stop drinking, but it’s like t has this weird hold on me.

A lot of people think I am a dick and have anger issues. I don’t have anger issues anymore, I used to be a hot headed prick as a kid because I took a lot of crap so I resorted  to breaking bones and heads to silence my “critics”. As I’ve grown older my fuse has grown longer and I let a lot more go. I still get down and knuckle up if I have to, but it takes a lot more to get me there.

Both of my parents feel incredibly guilty about getting divorced and that effect on me. I really am not angry at either of them even though I believe they think I am. I get it, sometimes, it just doesn’t work. Hey, shit happens, I still came out ok. Yeah I’m just as messed up as everyone else is, but I feel I am well adjusted and I love my parents.

I am, however, envious of my siblings. My parents both remarried and had children. On my Mom’s side she had two boys John,  seven years my younger and Aaron seventeen years my younger. On my Dad’s side, I have a sister Kali who is six years younger and a brother Zach who is thirteen years younger. Because I am so much older I am not as close to any of them as I would like. John and Aaron are very close, because I moved out while they were still young. I feel incredibly guilty for missing out on Aaron’s childhood. But because I wasn’t around they are very close. Then because I didn’t live with my Pop Kali and Zach are extremely close. When Zach has girlfriend issues he talks to Kali, not me. I am probably closest to my brother John, then Aaron, but I still feel like an outsider looking in when I am around any of them. I love them all so much, they are my blood and I would do anything for them but I doubt that they know that.

I miss both of my Grandmothers and my Great Aunt Gin a ton. These three women shaped my early life more than any one will ever know.

Sometimes I just not want to be the tough guy all of the time and just be nice and quirky. I would love to go up to people I know that are hurting and just say “You need a hug” and then give them a good squeeze. Or buy flowers for L Bird and A Bird, but buy an extra one and give it to the cashier,  just to make her day. Because people love getting flowers and it makes them smile.

I want to be comfortable in my own skin. For the most part, I am. The people I don’t care for never get close to me, but the ones that do I wish I were more comfortable to let them know just how much they mean to me.

Well, I suppose that’s enough of exposing my soul. Hell most of you will still never read this because once I come to my senses I’ll  delete this post. But in closing, I just want to say to YOU, be unguarded, tell people what you think, enjoy the small moments because you never know what is going to happen. Take pleasure in you family and friends. Pet the dog or cat and smile when they wag their tail or purr. Turn off you cell phones, put down the laptop and run around with your kids. Put on the pink hat and dance with your kid.  Just be you and screw everything else. If you are you, you can’t go wrong.

Lazy Weekend…

This weekend has been a lazy one, well as lazy as they get around our house. L Bird is still recovering from her surgery. She is still very sore and incredibly itchy and it is pretty much making her miserable. You know that saying “If Momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy” well there is a bit of truth to that. It’s actually not that bad, she hasn’t been bad, I just feel bad that she is so miserable and there is not much I can do about it to help. It will just take time to heal and it will suck for her right now.

So based on that we haven’t done a whole lot. Yesterday I spent most of the morning hanging with A Bird coloring and watching television. L Bird took some benedryl to help with the itching but it pretty much knocked her out. A Bird went down for a nap and L Bird got up,  so I went out to help Cpt. Insano put together a giant trampoline his niece and nephew got for their birthdays. Two hours and a couple of beers later we had it all put together and the kids were able to jump on it for like five minutes before it was completely pitch dark. I came home in time to hang out for a few minutes with the girls before we put A Bird to bed.

Now this morning everyone is moving slow and its nice. L Bird and I are drinking coffee and A Bird is having a dance party to the television.

So after the dance party is over, we don’t have much planned as L Bird is still pretty sore and doesn’t feel like doing much. The most I have planned is taking A Bird to Michael’s for more craft supplies.

Well, enjoy the rest of your weekend. My number is coming up in the dance party, I’m being paged to the stage and I need to stretch so I don’t pull a hammy.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Reflection…

It has been a long, long week, but even as tiring as it was, it was a great week. It has been very busy, but I finally found a little time for reflection. As I write this I am sitting out on my back deck on March 20th in nothing but a sweatshirt and jeans (It's upstate NY, I should still be wearing my winter jacket, lol) and the sun shining down warmly on my back. I am enjoying the sunshine, smoking a cigar, and smelling the marinated pork tenderloin I have on the grill. Life is good.
This week has really put a lot into perspective for me. L Bird had surgery this past Wednesday, so there has been a lot of stress along with that. Just leading up to the surgery we were both worried about how the surgery would go and how she would react to anaesthesia. She was stressed and nervous and privately in my own mind I was a nervous wreck. All of the “what ifs” ran through my head on a constant loop and I was petrified to think what would happen if something went wrong and God forbid I lost L Bird. But thankfully the surgery went off perfectly, which led to the next struggle for us, L Bird’s loss of independence. She has not been able to move her arms for the last 4 days and can’t move them for another 2-3 days. So I have been Mr. Mom for the last 4 days, I have been taking care of her, A Bird and Linus who also had surgery this week to be neutered. I think I have handled myself fairly well without any catastrophes. I have gotten A Bird back and forth to daycare, fed and clothed both A Bird & L Bird and waited on their every need. It has been tiring, but not as bad as I had thought it could be.
So through all of this I have come to realize that I lead a truly blessed life. Yeah I have a lot of troubles with every day stuff, I struggle just like everyone else and I have the Schrader bad luck where nothing comes easy, but all in all I am truly blessed.
I have a wonderful wife who I love and she loves me:
wedding
I am blessed with a truly amazing daughter, that keeps me on my toes and makes me proud every second of everyday.
ABird Baby
I have a amazingly awesome family that has supported me through the thick and thin, and love me for who I truly am. I could put in pictures of everyone but it would take up more than this one post could handle, but they know who they are.
I am blessed with awesome friends who I can call on at anytime, with a truly tight inner circle of the Goof Troop. Check the link for some of their exploits, lol.
I have an awesome job, that I love and can’t believe that they pay me for. Yeah sure, it has its moments like any other job where you want to go crazy but overall I love it. I mean they send me all over the country and the world. They sent me to Australia, for pete’s sake. Now that was pretty awesome.
australia2
Berri, South Australia
australia1
The Murray River in the Riverland. (In the bush, lol)
I guess I just wanted to take the time to actually say that I am very grateful for all I have and all of you that have touched me and my life. You have all had a hand in my life in one way or another and for that I am very happy. I love you all and I am truly blessed!

Sunday, March 13, 2011

A Bird & Crafting

Well, I ended up taking A Bird to Michael’s to get crafts yesterday. I had been contemplating it on Friday, but L Bird kind of forced my hand. As she was putting A bird to bed Friday night, she mentioned that I would take her to Michael’s the next day. So L Bird  comes out and this is what I get “Yeah, well I might have told A Bird that you would take her to Michael’s tomorrow”.

Right then I knew the cards were dealt, because there was no way A Bird would forget a trip to Michael’s. It only got worse from there because A Bird woke up at 3:30 AM calling me, I rushed into her room thinking something was wrong. When I got there she proceeded to ask me if we could go to Michael’s. Yep, there was no getting out of it. I told her we would and put her back to bed. Then she got up around 7:30 and came into our room and asked me again about going to Michael’s. She is persistent when she wants something.

But anyway, we finally went to MIchael’s yesterday and came home with a boatload of crafts. We crafted all day, we made bracelets, picture frames, drew pictures, we did a lot. So here are a couple of videos of our adventures. (They are not anything groundbreaking or super exciting, but they gave me an excuse to try out my new camera.)

This is just A Bird and all of her loot:

Then this A Bird beading a bracelet and becoming exasperated at how many cousins she has.

PS- I hate my voice on video. Does it really sound like that? BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Friday, March 11, 2011

This Weekend…

This is the first weekend in awhile where we have no plans and it is very nice. It seems like every weekend we have somewhere to go or someone is stopping by to visit, and before I can blink it’s already Monday and I have to go to work again and I don’t feel like I’ve had any time to relax. Don’t get me wrong,I love going out and people stopping by,but its also very nice to just stick close to your family and have a couple of lazy days just to do nothing but be with each other.

L Bird has to work tomorrow morning, but after that we will be just hanging out. I may try to find something crafty to do with A Bird to keep her busy for awhile, plus I love to see how excited she gets about crafts. Other than that I plan on reading the newest Mother Earth News and Brew Your Own magazines and fighting the urge to run to Tractor Supply. They have their new chicks in stock, and I am itching to get a couple of more chicks. The four hens I have now are laying just fine, but I think that two more girls would fill out the flock just perfect. Plus TSC has a couple of the varieties I would really love to get, because they lay tinted eggs.

Well, we’ll see what the weekend actually brings. What are your big plans?

DSC01172

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

The 3 Foot Bandit Strikes Again

All units be on the lookout for the 3 ft Bandit, she is three feet tall, blond hair, blue eyes and has a devilish smile. That’s right the 3 ft bandit struck again. This morning at work, I walked down to the vending machines and was looking over everything trying to decide what treat I was going to buy and then came to the realization I had no money. My pockets were empty, no bills, no change nothing but I had failed to remember that this morning when I was getting ready for work. Yesterday, I know I had two $1 bills and some change, and I know I didn’t lose it, so the only other explanation is that I was robbed, AGAIN!


You see, A Bird has a piggy bank and has found a new very strong interest in money. I normally give her my change and she gleefully snatches it from my hand and immediately runs to her jar and puts it in to save it. Then she guards her special “treasure” like a pirate, she takes it over to her Disney Princess chest and buries it under her dress up clothes, shuts the lid and fastens the latch so no one can get to it.

However, as of late A Bird has proven herself a very adept thief and any money left out in the open is fair game. Every night my routine is: I come home, I take off my hat and place it upside down on the corner of the counter, then I empty my pockets into it. So it contains my pocket knife, a USB drive, and any money I have in my pockets, then it sits there until the next morning when I get ready for work and put everything back into my pockets.

Most days, everything is fine and all the contents stay in my pockets until the next morning. However, some days I’ll get ready and realize that I’m missing change or a couple of bills or on some occasions this brazen rogue steals everything. A Bird is very crafty in her choosing of what and when to take anything. I was first alerted to her pilfering when I “lost” $40. I was going crazy looking for it, when I noticed that A Bird’s step stool was positioned right in front of the counter. When she wasn’t looking, I dug up her buried treasure from the princess chest to find my $40 sitting nicely on the top of her jar of cash. So we had a little talk about taking things that don’t belong to her and I told her she could take any coins she found but had to ask before taking any paper money.

Since then there have been a few incidents but she normally asks me before taking any money, but it seems that she struck again last night because I was penniless this morning. The 3 ft bandit struck again. So I went hungry this morning, but she probably saved me from eating junk from the machine. Besides, how can you stay mad at this.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...