Untold Secrets–Part 4

Lo My head is spinning as I listen to what he is saying, even though I hear the words coming from his mouth I can’t force my brain to let them be real. My mind flashes back to all the times I had growing up with Uncle Mack. Family dinners, backyard barbecues and swimming in the pool he was my Uncle Mack, he couldn’t be this man he is telling me about, could he? Then just like you see in the movies, my brain hit zoom on all of the still images of memories in my head. I can see all the scars on his hands as he passes the butter at Sunday dinner, I see the long jagged scar on his shoulder and back while he is throwing me in the pool, I see how one of his eyes is droopy as he winks at me on Christmas. How could I have been so naïve? The revelation that he is who he says he is, is like getting the wind knocked out of me. I am gasping for air and trying to slow my mind down when I hear him ask “From here it gets real dark, so how much do you want to hear Lo?” I manage to compose myself enough to squeak out “All of it.” He simply nods, then pauses to fumble around behind more paint cans to find another bottle of whiskey. There is a chill in the air of the barn and it makes me shiver. He eventually pulls out the bottle he looking for and notices the chill as well it seems because he walks over to the wood stove and throws a couple more logs on the fire. He cracks open the new bottle and pours a finger of whiskey into each of our now empty coffee mugs, then begins again picking up where he left off. I listen to the story as it grows darker and darker. I am jotting down notes and occasionally asking questions. As the story takes on a life of its own I no longer feel a family connection to it and seem comfortable with hearing all of the grotesque details. Hours and a half a bottle of whiskey go by when he comes to the end of the story. Uncle Mack looks defeated and slightly drunk, I am exhausted and conflicted. There is just so much to process, here is a man who I have loved my whole life and yet he has been behind such atrocities that I don’t know how to look at him anymore. On one hand he is my loving uncle as he has always been but on the other he is almost pure evil. He looks at me and its almost as if he can read the thoughts in my head, he shrugs apologetically and gives me a half hearted smile. He stands and puts his hand on my shoulder and says “Look Lo, I understand if this changes things between us, but just know I am still Uncle Mack and I love you. You’ve been a hound dog tracking down people that gave you some of the story so you would’ve found out about me eventually anyway. I appreciate you coming and asking me directly... I mean that. So, now you got one hell of a story, kid. What are you going to do with it?” I glance down at my notebook, I had completely forgotten about it in the last few minutes and I think I have honestly no idea what I am going to with it. Uncle Mack is right, it is one hell of a story and would probably get me a book deal and possibly a best seller. I turn it over in my hands and can almost see myself being interviewed about my inspiration for this novel then as I am about to answer I see my Uncle’s tired weathered face staring at me from behind a glass partition. It’s too much for me to think about so I drop the notebook, hang my head and rub my neck. The barn is completely silent with the exception of the fire roaring away in the woodstove. I turn things over in my head a few more times before I realize what it is I must do. I kneel to pick the notebook back up from the ground, and as I am doing so Uncle Mack catches me glancing around the barn. As if he can read my thoughts again he asks, “You sure, Lo?” I simply nod, straighten myself up, walk to the woodstove and toss the whole notebook in. I watch in the first few seconds, its sits there slowly smoldering and smoking before exploding into a dazzling bright orange fireball. I turn around, smile a sad smile at my uncle and tell him “Some secrets are better left untold.” Some secrets are better left untold…