Disappointed…

Sometimes it feels like life is just looking for an opportunity to kick you in the ol’ beanbags. Lucky for life, but unfortunately for me I provide life the opportunity to roshambo me every month. This month it just seems to have hurt a little bit more.

I have been taking my hormone drugs to try and boost my count for about three weeks now and I have been diligent in taking them and all of my other vitamins and supplements. I have cut way back on my beer consumption and have actually worked out more than a few times. All in hopes of getting my count up. We are not supposed to even attempt another IUI until I have been on the drugs for six weeks, but in the meantime we can try to monitor when ovulation happens and try on our own.

So this month has been a very good month for giving it the old college try. Let’s just say that I had a very vivid dream that led to a purchase for L Bird in the lingerie department and we put said purchase to very good use.

From there we went on about our business trying not to get caught in the perpetual thought process of infertility. “Maybe this could be the month?” Yeah maybe, but let’s not say anything about it, we don’t want to jinx it. Just keep your head down and your mouth shut and forget about it and it will happen.” That is the conversation I have with myself a few times daily as well as endlessly praying to God that this is the month.

This month I thought maybe we did get lucky. Today was day 36 for L Bird and no lady visitor yet. L Bird has longer cycles before but this month is a little out of the ordinary. She has been dieting all month, but it isn’t like she is starving herself, she is eating, just eating less. So maybe that has what has thrown everything off, so we finally decided we should by a pregnancy test today and see if we did get blessed again. WRONG, a big old negativo slap in the face, AGAIN!!

But on the other hand Aunt Flo and Uncle Red haven’t stopped by for a visit yet, so maybe I’ll hold onto a sliver of hope that her cycle is just extremely long this month and she is pregnant but because of the length of the cycle the test was still negative. Yeah, that’s what I’ll hope for. Who knows, maybe by some chance I’ll be right. Here’s to HOPE!